How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
