It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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