But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
