genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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