we have officially lost it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
