I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
