Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
