hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
