i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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