walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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