i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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