I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
