I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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