Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
