I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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