I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
