i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
