very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
