Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
