There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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