my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
