Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
