We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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