just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
