im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
