so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
