She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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