Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
