We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
