I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
