Me. At least after what I've been through.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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