guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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