next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
