Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
where does the pee come out of this thing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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