if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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