So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
