Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
