I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
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The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had sex on a roof
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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