Having a random hookup so left but love u
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
