I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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