What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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