That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
