The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
