i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
