The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
