Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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