I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
