Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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