I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
