He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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