Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
