i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
