I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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