apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
