Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
