i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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