Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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