Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize