It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
