Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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