Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
