My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
