it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
did i walk over a car last night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
