i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
