i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
