I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
