it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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