It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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