dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
vagina is talking i cant
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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