i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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